Look This-a-Way

I’m writing for True/Slant now, folks.  What are you still doing here?  Get with the program!

Hands Full

I’m currently working on another project (see below) that might take valuable time away from blogging about babies and Republicans (redundancy?)  Sorry youse guys!  Keep me in your thoughts/prayers/RSS Feed, plz.  

Floridium

Not sure why this is labeled as a movie – it’s not like we’re lacking a name for videos cut to music – but “Boca” is pretty mesmerizing whatever you call it.  I’m still getting over the fact that it was shot entirely on a cell phone.

LISTEN HERE | Country: Where Bleak Meets Dismal

 

Much is made of the eclecticism of the modern music audience – a increasing tolerance for variety fueled by file-sharing and mass hard-drive swapping.  But it’s an eclecticism with sharp boundaries, where the foul lines on either side seem to have an awful strong resemblance to the old live wires of race and class.  The most common answer given in music surveys these days to the question “What kind of music do you listen to?” is inevitably “Everything but rap and country”.  I don’t think that’s a coincidence.  

 

Resistance is Futile (Updated)

Five Words: Baby With Toys Time Lapse

 

 

Don’t play like you’re not turned into a useless pile of mush right now.  Especially when there’s a cute french girl singing. [via Kottke]

And what is it with foreign babies one-upping us in absolute adorablishness?  Are you on this, Obama?  I think it started with this little guy:

 

 

But I’m really mad about not coming upon this 2007 bit of cute overload until now.  I can’t really do a better job of explanation than its YouTube title: “Baby, Eating & Pooping at the Same Time”.  It’s worth the wait, trust :

 

 

How awesome is that look of utter horror/shame/intensity on his face when he realizes what must be done?  Almost as awesome as the fact that his name is Midas de Leeuwe.  

I find it funny that no one mentions how it is going to feel growing up with every fourth person in the world having seen you go poopy or take a bathy-wath.  Or if they did raise an objection, I couldn’t hear it over the “AWWWWOOOKITDAT!!!!1111″   Ah well,  sucks for you, kid.  The needs of the many > needs of the few.  Spock said it, must be true.

UPDATE: 

No sooner did I lay out the existential threat of non-Murikan babies being dangerously adorable, than Videogum introduced me to the SmartyPants Dance.

Your move, rest of the planet.

 

That Fish Looks Like It Could Use a Bike

Generally speaking, the only thing that comes close to the awkward pain of watching crusty old rich white guys sit around and jawbone about black issues on TV is watching them pontificate about women’s issues – sans actual women, of course.  And the only thing that tops that is watching them run off at the mouth when they they think they’re just talking to each other.  So, by that measure,  the Elder Bush knocked a Poor-Taste ball out of Asshole Park yesterday.

 

 

“One time we thought we’d outsmarted the crowd. We sent a decoy limosine off in one direction while I snuck out the back entrance. And we rounded the corner — I’ll never forget it — and I saw one of the ugliest and angriest women I have ever seen in my entire life. Boy, she was really bad. And she charged my car with a sign… and came up right next to the window: “Stay out of my womb!” No problem, baby.”

 

Stop it. You’re killing me.

Of all the many presumptions* and prejudices one would have to have to make that joke funny, probably the most disturbing is that it requires you to believe that Bush Sr. is someone who is in any position to turn down action.  You’re not exactly a juicy slab of fucksteak yourself there, gramps.  Considering you’re a prime contender for menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com, maybe keep your trap shut and let your son go on hogging the village idiot spotlight.  

 That wasn’t the only stupidity surrounding issues of reproductive choice this week. That puffy-haired paragon of smugfuckery and congealed conventional wisdom, Chris Matthews, displayed his reliably wince-inducing take on anything female this week, right on cue.  Here he applauds Obama’s decision to drop from the stimulus bill a provision that would have made it easier for states to offer contraception through Medicaid to low-income women not covered by Medicaid currently:

 

 

“Maybe people don‘t like Washington, which has done such a bang-up job regulating the sharpies on Wall Street, to decide it’s now time to regulate the number of kids people might be in the mood for.”

What the hell is he talking about?  Giving poor women financial assistance for contraception is apparently now the exact same thing as China’s mandatory one-child policy.  I’m not sure Matthews knows how condoms or abortion or childbirth work at all.  Did he get all his info from How was Babby Formed?

And to round out the trifecta of politicos vying for Caveman of the Year is former GOP House Majority Leader Dick Armey on Matthew’s Hardball (Matthews is apparently a misogyny magnet, it seems).  Befitting a man whose name conjures up images of a bastard battalion, Armey lays on the charm during his debate with Salon editor-in-chief, Joan Walsh [near the end] :

 

 

“I’m so damn glad you can never be my wife because I surely wouldn’t have to listen to that prattle from you every day” 

Keep it classy and sassy, boys.  Don’t let the future hit you on the way out.

 

*The main piece of bullshit you have to believe is that the story is any way true.  Besides being what they used to call a chauvinist pig, Senior, like Junior, is an unapologetic liar.  The reason that story sounds too cute to be true is because it is too cute to be true.  It’s a dusty old joke, and one that’s been used on both sides of the issue, most notably, Carlin:

“Why is it that the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?”

And Bush, Sr. himself has broken it out numerous times. There just weren’t any cameras around.  Stupidity always outruns luck in the long run, though.

Water World

Australian photographer Narelle Autio and her camera must swim in different waters than I do.  I’ve definitely never seen anything like this down there.  At times the water looks like a fiery explosion, at other points a feathery costume.  See more otherworldly loveliness here.

 

     

Same To You, Buddy

Feeling down?

 

 

Feeling like no one really “gets” you?

 

 

Feeling like everything you touch turns to shit?

 

 

Well, forget what you’ve been told about depression being a long and arduous struggle of reflection and self-growth.  All you really need  to pull yourself out of that slump is a CD with recordings of people saying “You can do it!!”, “The finish line is closer than you think!!” and “We beLIEVE in YOU!!!” with the sounds of a cheering auditorium in the background. Only $24.95.

 

 

The only tiny little snag I can see is this: Whatever horrible situation is going on in your life, it can’t possibly be worse than the knowledge that you were so rock-bottom desperate that you paid money to hear pre-recorded, generic affirmations from complete strangers who by definition care nothing about you.  So, if you could just completely erase any memory of this product, then this is a good product. Consider it ENDORSED.

Hauer Power

  If I had to explain the 80’s to an alien, I’d show them this poster.  Case closed.

 

 

“I also do circumcision.”   Now that’s how you end a trailer.  

 

 

Yes, Netflix, I do want to move this to the top of my queue.  How did you guess?

Intelligent Design

Olly Moss first grabbed attention for his standout designs for community-based T-shirt retailer Threadless.  A few faves below:

 

 

 Crisp and clean, a sharp wit in strict service of a central idea.  Moss brings these same qualities to his newest project, a re-imagining of classic movie posters.  Granted, these would never make it past studio marketing departments, as their idea of a good poster is one where every possible cast member’s head floats around idiotically in the ether.  But we can still dream of a day when jaw-dropping works like these would line the walls of our multiplex.